Tag: murder

hailtothepumpkinqueen:

Had a dream I was playing an indie game about a 1950’s housewife trying to kill her husband.

The objective of the game was to kill him without A) alerting the husband, B) getting caught by your busybody neighbor, or C) accidentally killing your kids/have them walk in on you murdering their dad. 

The first level was that you had to slip poison into his food or drink, since that was subtle and easy enough. But I think as the levels progressed, the murder attempts got more…gruesome and difficult to hide. I remember using garden sheers at one point.

And the game had a 1950s advert style to it, kind of how Bendy and the Ink Machine is stylized

^ kind of like that

Anyway I’m calling it Desperate Housewife and if anyone wants to actually make that game gimme some credit lmao

themoistplinth:

hellenicpoliticiansuggestions:

romansuggestions:

is he…you know [makes motion of sucking a dick] greek?

is he … you know [makes motion of bribing and murdering people for power in an oligarchic and timocratic war state] roman?

things heating up in the classical civilisation fandom

bad puns to tell my crush

bombing:

  • are you a parking ticket? the future terrifies me
  • when was the last time you took your vitamins?
  • 44
  • i’m a thousand years old 
  • we could make it if we really tried 
  • can we play some drake? i’m going to play some drake 
  • i killed my parents and they deserved it
  • enough to break the ice in tennessee 
  • i want to die
  • blue crab larvae are incredibly vulnerable to jellyfish
  • i think about you more than i’d ever admit 
  • i threw up on the way here 
  • fun fact: the bride stands to the left of the groom in heterosexual marriages for multiple reasons
  • one of which is right-handed empowerment but for the right reason which leads into the second and much better reason
  • the second reason is much cooler so basically it goes like this: the groom sometimes would hold a sword during the wedding
  • and sometimes people would try to steal his fly girl
  • so he had to engage them in mortal combat in order to keep his woman by his side
  • whilst the wedding was still going on
  • so here we are in the middle of the wedding
  • some rando dude is like “yo i wanna get with this chick she hot af”
  • the groom is At the Ready like “no the fuck you ain’t”
  • the rando dude decides “yes i should fucking FIGHT this ARMED MAN for his WOMAN that he is getting LAWFULLY MARRIED TO this seems like a GOOD IDEA”
  • and suddenly BEGONE THOT THIS IS MY WIFE
  • fucking dead man on the floor while they’re exchanging ‘i do’s
  • sometimes multiple dudes would be like “yo that guy fucking died but who’s to say that i won’t be the one that lives”
  • literal setup for 4 funerals and a wedding
  • red wedding but irl
  • i assume the opposite positioning happened for left-handed grooms? i’m not entirely sure
  • but yeah
  • wedding? more like
    • wow
    • et’s
    • d-d-d-d-d–d-d-d-d-d-duel
    • dtime
    • i guess
    • now
    • gosh darnit i guess i’ve been stabbed you have bested me now marry the shit out of this woman
  • and now i really want to carry a sword at my wedding so i can fight THOTS to the DEATH and straight up MURDER to prove my LOVE to my SPOUSE