I need to get laid

To rest. Put me in a coffin, let my soul ascend

hellenicpoliticiansuggestions:

romansuggestions:

is he…you know [makes motion of sucking a dick] greek?

is he … you know [makes motion of bribing and murdering people for power in an oligarchic and timocratic war state] roman?

things heating up in the classical civilisation fandom

throwbackblr:

Robert Guillaume, the voice of Rafiki in The Lion King and Dr. Eli Vance in Half-Life, has died at age 89.

Source: throwbackblr

bad puns to tell my crush

bombing:

are you a parking ticket? the future terrifies me

when was the last time you took your vitamins?

44

i’m a thousand years old

we could make it if we really tried

can we play some drake? i’m going to play some drake

i killed my parents and they deserved it

enough to break the ice in tennessee

i want to die

blue crab larvae are incredibly vulnerable to jellyfish

i think about you more than i’d ever admit

i threw up on the way here

fun fact: the bride stands to the left of the groom in heterosexual marriages for multiple reasons
one of which is right-handed empowerment but for the right reason which leads into the second and much better reason
the second reason is much cooler so basically it goes like this: the groom sometimes would hold a sword during the wedding
and sometimes people would try to steal his fly girl
so he had to engage them in mortal combat in order to keep his woman by his side
whilst the wedding was still going on
so here we are in the middle of the wedding
some rando dude is like “yo i wanna get with this chick she hot af”
the groom is At the Ready like “no the fuck you ain’t”
the rando dude decides “yes i should fucking FIGHT this ARMED MAN for his WOMAN that he is getting LAWFULLY MARRIED TO this seems like a GOOD IDEA”
and suddenly BEGONE THOT THIS IS MY WIFE
fucking dead man on the floor while they’re exchanging ‘i do’s
sometimes multiple dudes would be like “yo that guy fucking died but who’s to say that i won’t be the one that lives”
literal setup for 4 funerals and a wedding
red wedding but irl
i assume the opposite positioning happened for left-handed grooms? i’m not entirely sure
but yeah
wedding? more like

wow
et’s
d-d-d-d-d–d-d-d-d-d-duel
dtime
i guess
now
gosh darnit i guess i’ve been stabbed you have bested me now marry the shit out of this woman

and now i really want to carry a sword at my wedding so i can fight THOTS to the DEATH and straight up MURDER to prove my LOVE to my SPOUSE

vinebox:

Friend in 2011: I wanna die

Me in 2011: no! D: you got so much to live for ://

Friend in 2017: I wanna die

Me in 2017:

Source: meme-theft