Acephobia in the LGBT+ Community from the documentary (A)sexuality.
It is just…so fucking weird how threatened people feel when it comes to Asexuality. I still can’t wrap my mind around it.
I’m so happy this post is being reblogged by LBGT+ people who aren’t asexual. I keep on reading posts by non-ace LGBT+ people of support to the ace community, and of being stunned by this reaction by a movement which should know better than to judge. AND THAT MAKES THIS ACE SO FREAKING HAPPY. The woman in the first photo expresses my sentiment. I know I belong in the queer/LGBTQIA movement. I want to belong. But I just don’t know if I’m welcome. I’m so happy that there are so many people on Tumblr who do not fall into the catagory of outright refusal of asexuality.
I know not a lot of people understand asexuality. And I know there’s confusion about it, about our experiences, and about how we fit in the movement. But let’s talk about this. Let’s have this conversation.
I mostly don’t delve into the ace tags, but I hear there’s a lot of ace-hate that and I really don’t get it. I don’t understand how asexuality is threatening.
You know what I (as a queer ace-spectrum person) find most threatening? Getting unwanted sexual unwanted advances from both queer and straight people. I’ve gotten them from people of all spectrums and it always makes me profoundly uncomfortable, and often unsafe. It just boggles my mind how people are upset by the concept of asexuality. That’s like getting really mad at someone who isn’t hungry. What’s the point? Just shut up eat your own sandwich. (And stop chewing on me.)
Wow, the fuck the people in those images.
Nobody has the right to disrespect anybody else’s sense of self. It may not be for, you but that does not give you the right to be an asshole.
We really need to push more for LGBTQIA+ to be a standard, instead of just LGBT, especially considering that even the B and T are already invisible in much of the community.
Not supporting some of us = not supporting all of us.
Not supporting some of us = not supporting all of us.
It really, really does bear repeating.
I couldn’t be further from ace, but for serious.
If we’re not in this together, we’re not in this at all.
This makes me so angry. I have friends who are ace, and they are just as much a part of the queer community as I am.
We need to embrace asexuality and treat it with the respect that it deserves.
Tag: ace discourse
no sexual attraction does not equal sexual attraction to the opposite sex.
no romantic attraction does not equal romantic attraction to the opposite sex.
me: well my straight friends from middle school all said I am asexual, and I don’t have a problem per se with the label, because it kind of does represent my feelings towards sexuality, I just don’t know what to do with myself right now. am I the only person like this? where are the other asexual people?
lgbt tumblr blogs: Asexuality is a thing, and part of the lgbt+ community!
me: fuckin sweet
ace discourse: Not So Fast! you’re not Gay Enough™ for us to include you in the ingroup of Historically Oppressed Gays And Trans People. since youre not Gay Enough™ by our standards, you’re one of The Straights™ so we’re excluding you and all asexuals who arent Gay Enough™ from our community, because youre Straight™
me: but I literally was just excluded from the privileged group The Straights™ by literal privileged Straight people. where do I go now?
bi people, from under the bus: hey
if you don’t see asexuality/aromanticism as struggles in and of their own right, get the fuck off of my blog.
examples of struggles within the community:
- rape culture
- peer pressure
- media portraying romance and sexual relationships as things that heal people
- media portraying romance and sexual relationships as the end-all be-all of everything
- media portraying romance and sexual relationships as having “changed someone forever”
- glorifying sexualization of women in advertising and media
- needless romantic subplots in media that the story could do without
- next to no representation (the only characters i’ve seen or heard in media that are confirmed as asexual (and only that – asexual. not aromantic) are bojack horseman, jughead jones, and raphael santiago, and even then, raphael is currently in a relationship with arguably the most sexually driven character on the show)
- people claiming that sexual and romantic relationships are necessary for human beings
- people claiming that sexual adversity is unnatural and wrong
- forced relationships on aromantic people because “i’m the one that can change them”
- domestic abuse against aromantic people because “they clearly don’t love me”, “they’re just using me”, “they don’t give a fuck about me”
- calling nonbinary aces/aros “cishet” because they appear a certain way that aligns with their sex, and they feel attraction towards people that appear a certain way that aligns with the opposite sex
- sexual abuse and rape because “they just need someone to show them the right way”, “i can turn them on”
- those that are sex-neutral or sex-positive being invalidated because “if they were asexual, why did they want to fuck me?”, “why did you come last night during sex if you can’t get turned on?”
- sex-repulsed asexuals redefining their identity and being told that they can’t suddenly realize that they have an attraction
- romance-positive and romance-neutral aromantics being told that they can’t have queerplatonic relationships because it’s “basically dating”
- constant oversexualization of teenagers in media, portraying many of them as sex-driven, horny maniacs that want to screw anything or anyone they can
- sex-ed classes not even mentioning the idea that someone wouldn’t want to have sex once in their lives
- romance-repulsed aromantics being told that they’re “rude”, “bitchy”, and “snobby” because they don’t want to pursue a romantic relationship
- aromantic/asexual people being told they’re snooty because the person calling them snooty is angry that they don’t want to bang/become partners with them
- being told that they “have too high standards”
- being told they’re going to die old and alone because they won’t ever find someone
- many telling them that procreation is the meaning of life, and that it’s programmed into everyone to want to have sex and make children
- people not even knowing about the community
- former abuse/trauma survivors turning sex-repulsed or romance-repulsed because of their former trauma/abuse and getting invalidated because of it
- a-spec people getting cat-called on the streets because they happen to be wearing an outfit that people would say is “revealing”
- a-spec people getting abused/raped/assaulted and their abusers saying that they were “asking for it”
notice how some of the above things can relate to the LGBTQIA+ community
don’t invalidate us if you don’t understand the struggles we go through.
If asexuals were actually “just straight”…
- If aces were “just straight” I wouldn’t need to come out to my parents
- If aces were “just straight” I wouldn’t need to come out to anybody, actually…
- If aces were “just straight” I would be able to just say “I’m going to aces’ meetup” without need to explain why, what, etc.
- If aces were “just straight” I wouldn’t be closeted… there wouldn’t be so many closeted aces…
- If aces were “just straight” I wouldn’t be told by my friend that aces are “sick” and “unnatural”
If aces were “just straight” I wouldn’t be considered as not-straight (and as LGBTQIAP+, btw) by literally every person in my offline life
- If aces were “just straight” aces wouldn’t get told to “go check it” by family and friends
- If aces were “just straight” aces wouldn’t be told they need to be fixed
- If aces were “just straight” there wouldn’t so many people trying to find how to “cure” aces
- If aces were “just straight” asexuality wouldn’t be called a “problem”
- If aces were “just straight” there wouldn’t be “corrective therapy” for aces
- If aces were “just straight” aces wouldn’t be raped as an attempt to “cure” them
- If aces were “just straight” the option of “not being attracted to others” would be mentioned years ago during sex ed. but it isn’t mentioned, even now
- If aces were “just straight” aces wouldn’t be dehumanized for being ace
If aces were “just straight”… they would be straights, not asexuals.
Same discourse anon as before, Biromantic heterosexuals, homoromantic heterosexuals, homosexual panromantics ect. don’t exist. The split attraction model can only be used for a-spec people. A “bisexual homoromantic” woman is probably just a lesbian experiencing compulsory heterosexuality. The a-spec community saying you can have two sexualities under the split attraction model really helps enforce internalised homophobia and compulsory heterosexuality. And it’s really bad for lgbp kids
I understand that you may not think they exist, but they do. Romantic and sexual orientations are two separate entities. There’s a reason we explain sexuality with romantic and sexual terms. There are people that experience sexual attraction (i.e. thinking someone is “sexy” or “hot”) to multiple genders, but only experience romantic attraction (i.e. thinking someone is “cute” or “pretty”) to one gender, and vice versa. The two aren’t mutually exclusive. Split attraction is real and valid.
There is no such thing as “compulsory heterosexuality”. People should never feel pressured to FORCE themselves to like someone of the opposite gender. While heterosexuality is definitely enforced by society, it’s not “mandatory”. People who are LGBT+ usually don’t FORCE themselves to find other genders attractive. Biromantic homosexuals are people who find men “cute”, but don’t experience sexual attraction to them, and they’re just as valid as any other member of the LGBT+ community.
There are people that don’t even know about the A-Spec community that identify with the split attraction model. There’s nothing wrong with feeling the way that you feel. It should simply be a human instinct.
I understand how you feel, and you make valid points, but I personally don’t see it that way myself. Just look around. There are countless people in the LGBT+ community that have split attraction. And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with it! It’s great, and should be celebrated.
I’m glad that you’ve sent me another message, because it’s really interesting to me to see the points that people are making, and have non-aggressive chats with others about the A-Spec community.
I just read that it’s your birthday and I don’t want to ruin that (happy birthday by the way!) but I read your post about how cis heteroromantic aces are LGBT but the thing is, they’re not. While they do face social issues (and that sucks), it’s often misdirected misogyny or occasionally misdirected homophobia. While many aces/aros are LGBT (and we love and support them) people aren’t LGBT just for being ace. You’ve got to be sga/mga and/or not cis to be LGBT.
thanks for the birthday wishes!
I understand that you may feel this way, but I personally see any person who identifies with something non-heteroromantic, non-heterosexual, and/or non-cisgender to be a welcome part of the community. For example, there are cisgender biromantic heterosexuals that are welcomed in the community. There are transgender heteroromantic heterosexuals that are welcomed in the community. They’re just as important a part of the community as anybody else. And as an asexual person myself, it really makes me sad that people don’t see cisgender heteroromantic asexuals or cisgender aromantic heterosexuals as a part of the community. Their identities are valid (and I appreciate you for welcoming them into the community, since it appears a lot of LGBT+ members of the community are against aros/aces being a part of the community) and I personally believe that the LGBT+ community should be willing to work with them.
You haven’t ruined my birthday, so please don’t worry! It’s okay! I’m actually glad you sent a message! 🙂
I am tired of the aromantic/asexual community being treated like it doesn’t matter. There is an entire spectrum of romantic and sexual orientations in the aro/ace community, and each and every one of them are valid. Because no matter what, aro/ace people are still people. They are people, and they deserve to be treated with the same respect you would give any other person.
I’m tired of aromantics and asexuals being discriminated against because people believe that all of them are cisgender and heteroromantic/heterosexual. This isn’t true. While yes, there are some aromantics that identify as cisgender and heterosexual, and there are some asexuals that identify as cisgender heteroromantic, not every single person on the aro/ace spectrum identifies this way. There are many members of the aro/ace spectrum that identify as trans, agender, non-binary, genderfluid, demigender, and there are many aros that identify as bi/pan/poly/homosexual and aces that identify as bi/pan/poly/homoromantic. Being a part of the aro/ace spectrum does not mean that you are automatically cisgender and heteroromantic/heterosexual.
I’m tired of people claiming that they don’t belong in the LGBT+ community for being cisgender heteroromantics/heterosexuals. Read the above section. Plus, there are allies that are welcomed into the community, who identify strongly as cisgender, heteroromantic AND heterosexual. While allies are still an important part of the community, it bothers me that aromantic/asexual people aren’t accepted for being “cishets” even though self-identifying cisgender heteroromantic/heterosexual people are.
I’m tired of being told that my sexuality isn’t real. Every orientation matters. No matter what orientation anyone identifies as, they are a human being. If they experience attraction or not, they’re still a human being, and they still deserve a chance. Aromantics/asexuals are not “broken”. I’m sure that nobody tells heterosexuals that they’re broken for not being attracted to every single person of the opposite gender. It’s not something that we as human beings can control. It just so happens that we do not experience attraction (romantically and/or sexually) to any other people. And that should be perfectly okay.
I’m tired of being a part of “discourse”. It really shouldn’t have to be a fight that we have to fight.
I’m tired of being told that we aren’t being discriminated against. There are a lot of ways that aromantic/asexual people are discriminated against. Just like other identities, we don’t get a lot of representation in media. We get told by others that we’re “broken” and “we just haven’t found the right person yet”. Sex-repulsed asexuals are raised in an overly sexualized society, taught that if you’re not sexually attracted to someone at some point in your life, then you’re weird. Romance-repulsed aromantics constantly witness PDA. I wouldn’t go as far as to say that we’re being “oppressed”, because this situation isn’t like the situations other groups have faced.
I’m tired of having to even make posts like this.
I’m tired of not being accepted by other people.
It’s time that we talked about our differences and learned more about one another before we start judging. There is a lot more to the aro/ace community than this.
Because I’m fucking tired of being treated like I’m not a human being.
When aphobes say we “aren’t oppressed enough” to belong in the community and then continue to harass us, aren’t we technically being oppressed? Or am I just crazy
that’s not how oppression works, jfc.
also people saying “cishets arent lgbt” isnt harassment
“cishets aren’t lgbt”? then why do you accept allies into the community? allies are people that identify as cisgender, heteroromantic, and heterosexual, and yet you still include them in the title of your community. instead of an actual, valid identity representing the “a” in the title, you have actual cishet people. while allies are still a good part of the community, people who identify as asexual or aromantic are NOT cishet. most asexuals/aromantics still identify within the community, be they non-binary, bi/pan/homosexual, or bi/pan/homoromantic. even I identify within the community, being a panromantic asexual.
but the next time you say “cishets aren’t lgbt”, please remember that you gave them that right. the founders of the lgbt+ community gave them the “a”. something that asexuals/aromantics, who are still a valid part of the lgbt+ community, should’ve received long before actual cisgender, heteroromantic heterosexuals did.
senpaimutual 